Sporadic Sequential
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Kodansha's 5-Point Plan for World Domination

Further speculative details on just how Kodansha will achieve its dominance of the U.S. manga market:
  1. Targeted Demographic Pricing. Once of the main reasons Kodansha waited so long to enter the U.S. manga market on its own is that it was conducting exhaustive market research into who buys manga where. As a result of these studies, Kodansha now possesses extensive data that will allow it to price its manga in surprisingly specific ways. For example, the same volume of Akira may cost more in an urban ZIP code where residents have more disposable income than it will in a small rural town. And subsequent volumes in a series may spike in price as readers become hooked and have to know how the series ends.

  2. Announcing the Kodansha Scanlation Group. Frustrated by unlicensed scanlations but unable to devise a way to curb the practice, Kodansha decides to form its own scanlation group, Omoshirokute. The scanlations come out so quickly and are of such a high quality that all other scanlation groups working on Kodansha series effectively become obsolete. Many expect Kodansha to stop their scanlations at this point, but they've become so addicted to their internet fame that they continue on, even expanding their scope to offer scanlations of other publishers' works. Soon Kodansha is running the biggest and most popular scanlation groups for series such as Naruto and Bleach.

  3. Servicing Untapped Markets. Once again utilizing its massive demographic data, Kodansha successfully identifies and targets underserved segments of the market. Look forward to distinctively American manga, such as: NASCAR manga; televangelist manga (with tie-in televangelist anime); Red Manga vs. Blue Manga (manga aimed at hardcore Republicans and Democrats); and McManga (in a joint venture with McDonald's, Kodansha offers a free manga volume with every Happy Meal; obesity rates in the U.S. climb dramatically as a result, but on the positive side, so do literacy rates).

  4. Co-opting the Doujinshi Scene. Practicing a bit of business jujitsu, Kodansha will embrace the doujinshi market right off the bat in the U.S. Not only will Kodansha publish unlicensed fan works based on its own properties, but it will also put out doujinshi featuring characters from other companies. Realizing that there is a huge, unrealized desire on the part of superhero fans to see their favorite characters "doing it," Kodansha will strike it rich by releasing unauthorized illustrated slashfic. In an ironic turnabout, many American superhero fans will come to feel greater loyalty to Kodansha than to either Marvel or DC, because, as one fan put it, "After so many years of being heartlessly rejected by Marvel and DC, it was Kodansha that finally helped me realize my dream of creating an epic Captain America and Wonder Woman porn crossover." Female fans will be similarly grateful thanks to Kodansha's extensive yaoi library, featuring such popular pairings as Thor + Superman, Iron Man + Batman, and the all-time best-selling Gambit + Nightwing.

  5. Ultra-Authentic Untranslated Manga! In a genius move, Kodansha will one up Tokyopop's claims of "100% Authentic Manga" by releasing all of its manga in the original, untranslated Japanese. In fact, Kodansha's U.S. releases will simply be the same Japanese versions of the books with an English price tag slapped on top. Manga fans, crazed for anything that seems foreign and exotic, will eat up the incomprehensible books, arguing endlessly online about what's really going on in each storyline. Other publishers will soon follow suit, releasing all manga in the original Japanese. In a blatant attempt to cash in on the craze, soon even American comic book companies will start publishing their comics in Japanese, thereby forcing fans of Spider-Man and Batman to learn Japanese. By 2029, Japanese will be the official language of the United States.
I for one openly welcome our new manga overlords and thank them in advance for all the wonderful entertainment they will be bringing us.

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